The First Rule of Holes

I am put in mind of one of the phrases of one of my favorite writers, Molly Ivins. Molly use to cover politics from Austin, Texas. Molly was one of the most gifted, insightful writers I’ve ever read. The fact that she used humor to skewer the politicians was a double bonus for me.

One of the phrases that Molly used to describe the actions of a politician who had gotten in deeper to a situation than was prudent was, “Poor old so and so, he’s forgotten the first rule of holes; when you’re in one, quit digging.” Molly made her point with the simple logic that everyone could understand. She applied the logic with warm hearted humor that made even the roasted politicians laugh at themselves. Molly Ivins was a national treasure in a state that was diametrically opposed to her politically. I miss her.

In the spirit of Molly Ivins, I’d like to say to Matt Gaetz, “quit digging”. Trying to figure out which hole the Mattster is in at this point in time is a bit of a guess, since he’s been digging a new one about every hour for the last few days. In case you haven’t caught the news in the last few weeks, I’ll hit a few of the Mattster’s highlights.

1. Has become a target of the DOJ for obstruction of justice in the investigation of his friend Joel Greenberg. Politico reports: “The witness in question was one of a handful of women who entered Gaetz’s orbit via his one-time “wingman,” former Seminole County, Fla. tax collector Joel Greenberg, who pleaded guilty last month to a host of crimes, including sex-trafficking a 17-year-old in 2017.”

2. Passes off his high life partying as just being a “generous partner”. In an interview with Axios, Gaetz  defended himself by saying, “The allegations of sexual misconduct against me are false.” When asked what the DOJ probe could be about, he added, “I have definitely, in my single days, provided for women I’ve dated. You know, I’ve paid for flights, for hotel rooms. I’ve been, you know, generous as a partner. I think someone is trying to make that look criminal when it is not.” The girl in question was 17 at the time.

3. Considers himself more of a “player” than a representative of the people. From an ABC article: on the Mattster’s dedication to his work as a congressman, “While on Capitol Hill as a member of Congress, Gaetz allegedly boasted of his sexual encounters with women, and would allegedly try to show colleagues photos and videos of naked women he said he slept with, according to sources familiar with Gaetz’s actions“.

4. While a congressman in the Florida state house, the Mattster was part of a group of young male lawmakers who created a “game” to score their female sexual conquests, which granted “points” for various targets such as interns, staffers or other female colleagues in the state House. One of the targets of the scoring system was a group the lawmakers had heard were “virgins,” according to a source. The scoring system by male Florida lawmakers was previously reported by the Miami Herald.

4. Is now on a “stir up the crazies tour” with embattled loony tune Marjorie Taylor Greene. The tour is named “America First” which was originally floated as a name for a caucus in the House. The name was “cancelled” after it leaked out that the language forming the caucus invoked white nationalism.

I don’t know how to suss through all of this. Have we ever had a congressman neck deep in a child sex trafficking investigation? How does a man that bears a striking resemblance to the character Butthead, and apparently the same basic urges, get elected or re-elected? Does the Mattster believe that women should vote for him because he’s always been “generous with his girlfriends”?

It seems like Gaetz’s behavior would fall under the “DO NOT EVER” rules 1-10 from your campaign adviser. I am reminded of Edwin Edwards who once said, “The only way I can lose this election is if I’m caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy”. Unlike Matt Gaetz, Edwin Edwards knew he was supposed to avoid those conditions, not embrace them.

As a loyal Democrat let me say, “Please, please, please let Matt Gaetz be the Republican nominee for president in 2024”.

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