Rule Britannia

If you are an Anglophile, run, hide, find a book, and bury your head in it, this column is not for you. This column is for those of us who remember that our country gained our independence from the degenerate tea-sippers two hundred and fifty years ago. This column is for those of us who remember that a petulant monarch sent his armies to burn our capital in 1812. This column is for those of us that remember that hundreds of thousands of Americans fought in World War Two so that the monarchy would be preserved, and some other stuff too, but you get my point.

Now we are supposed to be overcome with the news that a really old woman has died. As always, when I hear anything about the “royal” family, I think, who cares? Haven’t we been divorced long enough to not have to worry about the precious “royal” family anymore? Haven’t we sacrificed enough in terms of toil and treasure to not have to be concerned about the comings and goings of some inbred yahoos?

Take a look at the current winner of the conception lottery. Through no fault of his own, the current king inherited wealth, power, and servitude from peoples scattered all over the globe. Peoples scattered all over the world, because that used to be the family business for the royals, exploit others. At the peak of its power, “the empire on which the sun never sets,” controlled over one fifth of the world’s population.

The “family” business was full time world domination. Whole countries were laid waste to provide materials to keep England’s war machine humming. Ireland, the “Emerald Isle” was almost completely clear cut to provide England with wood for ship building and gunpowder. England’s desire to gather up all of the world’s treasures and hide them in the Tower of London was insatiable. England set up colonies from Australia to Africa and was responsible for bringing the slave trade to America. And the monarchy spoke, “Let no moral go un-compromised in your quest to bring me riches.”

Think of it, a country smaller than Alabama was the dominant power in the world. If that concept doesn’t blow your mind, think about randomly picking any Fred and Ethel out of the local Walmart and elevating them to the rank of King and Queen. Compound your error by ensuring that only Fred and Ethel’s progeny would rise to the throne. No matter how harelipped, wall eyed, degenerate, or feeble minded the lineage might become, they were guaranteed a life of privilege and power.

This life of privilege and power was sanctioned by various religions entities granting to the “royals” the concept of “Divine Right.” Divine Right says that the “royals” answer to no earthly being, but only to the higher power. Sort of like our Supreme Court. Unlike our Supreme Court, when a “royal” dies in office, he is replaced with a family member. The current line of “royals” goes back hundreds of years and is one of the last monarchies on Earth. The fact that the British people continue this tradition is more a proof of Stockholm syndrome than anything else.

In my mind, just because something is old doesn’t mean you keep it around. No matter how comfortable you get with a pair of shoes, eventually you need to trade them in. Trading those old shoes in might just put a new spring in your step. I think England ought to give that a try. Certainly, Scotland and Ireland should have the opportunity to try to govern themselves.

Great Britain currently has the facade of a democratic government working behind the scenes of their “Constitutional Monarchy”. They just need to cut the cord and stop seeking the “royals” approval on everything. Parliament should divide up all of the royal property through eminent domain and turn the palaces into tourist attractions.

The “royals” can keep what they can carry out in a 40-gallon garbage bag, and they have to carry the bag themselves. Everything else goes to auction. Pseudo public land like Hyde Park should actually become public land. Then the public wouldn’t have to endure a travesty like the one outlined here.

In short, the “royals” should just go away. Don’t care if they give birth, don’t care if they get married, don’t care if they die, don’t care if they setup shop in L.A. That’s why we fought the Revolution, so we wouldn’t have to bothered about one of those pasty-faced “royals” ever again.

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